“Can’t we all just get along?” is not enough

I did something the other day that I am ashamed of. In the past, I have tried to never engage in a discussion about politics or religion on social media. It just ends up ruffeling someone’s feathers and worse. Well, I slipped up, and then in the discussion that followed, I even dropped an “f-bomb” on Facebook.

I didn’t do it on purpose. I just got caught up in the moment. I’ve been under huge stress lately and I’ve not been sleeping much, so combine my being a overpassionate Italian, stress and sleep deprivation and the result is not pretty.

Here is how it happened. A friend posted a link to an article to his Facebook timeline. When I read it, several things rang true to me in a huge way. The article was by Michael Moore and it was about the NRA and guns. I don’t even know how I feel about the NRA or guns or gun laws. What struck me was the end of the article where he says “While we are discussing and demanding what to do, may I respectfully ask that we stop and take a look at what I believe are the three extenuating factors that may answer the question of why we Americans have more violence than most anyone else:…” You can read the full article here. What he says next is what really hit a deep chord with me, especially number three:

“3. THE “ME” SOCIETY. I think it’s the every-man-for-himself ethos of this country that has put us in this mess and I believe it’s been our undoing. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps! You’re not my problem! This is mine!

Clearly, we are no longer our brother’s and sister’s keeper. You get sick and can’t afford the operation? Not my problem. The bank has foreclosed on your home? Not my problem. Can’t afford to go to college? Not my problem.

And yet, it all sooner or later becomes our problem, doesn’t it? Take away too many safety nets and everyone starts to feel the impact. Do you want to live in that kind of society, one where you will then have a legitimate reason to be in fear? I don’t.”

I’ve been in battle mode for the past several weeks since some much needed assistance was taken away from my three year old daughter. Sierra has hemiplegic cerebral palsy. She had a massive stroke in-utero in my second trimester of pregnancy. It give her many challenges that most people don’t have to face, especially at such a young age. It affects her balance, vision, speech. She walks with a limp, wears a brace on her foot and a splint on her hand tires easily, falls often. She has limited use of her right hand and arm to the point where it will take her years past other kids to learn things that other kids do easily, like pulling down and up her pants to go to the bathroom, tying her shoes, opening containers, and many more “bi-manual tasks.” You try living for one day with the use of only one hand and arm and tell me if this is a “mild disability.” She is also on seizure medication and has difficulty concentrating and her brain processes information much slower than her peers. despite all of this, she is doing amazingly well because she has a “fire cracker” personality and huge determination. So because she is cognitively equal to her peers and can walk and talk (though both with difficulty), the powers that be have labeled her with “mild cerebral palsy” and decided she does not need services provided to disabled kids in the Laterman Act. So now, I have to go through an appeal process and prove that her disability is not mild. Not only is it very time-consuming to prepare a case for hearing in front of a state appointed judge, it forces me to have to dig up all of the negative things that Sierra struggles with. You see, as her mother, I try to focus on the positive and what she can do. I really resent having to prove the negatives. It drudges up deep emotional anguish of just how much she does have to struggle, of what she would have or could have been without the stroke, the reasons I believe she had the stroke and those I blame with negligence that caused it. And I resent having to spend time preparing my case during the holidays, when I could be spending with my three beautiful daughters, doing what other “normal” families are doing to celebrate the season.

O.K., so back to the Facebook post. What ensued was a friend who got fired up about the gun debate and missed completely, the point of my sharing the article. I feel that we, the American people, do not take care of each other the way we could. We have this attitude of “Can’t we all just get along?”…an attitude of tolerance, at best. I do not believe that tolerance is enough. We need to really take care of each other, of our family members, our neighbors, a stranger in the street, someone who lives in another country, everyone. We are so afraid someone is going to take advantage of us and so caught up in staying ahead of the Joneses that we do very little to support our fellow human beings. Oh, we support one cause at our church or one cause we believe in (save the whales, save a tree, etc.) and think we have done our part. We can do so much more. It is our problem.

So, in closing, I want to ask of you, to open your heart to the possibility of “I am my brother’s keeper.” It is the right thing to do. It is as simple as a random act of kindness, a compassionate look or word to someone who is down and out and suddenly, the world is so much more beautiful for all of us. I challenge you to expand into giving and gratitude instead of contracting into fear. I know it is a vulnerable place…the not knowing if there will be enough, but come on, we are so rich and free compared to so many other places on this Earth. I know what you conspiracy theorists are thinking…we are not free and there are many out to take everything we have. I’ve got to take what is mine and hold on tight to it, lest it be taken away.

I apologize to all who read the exchange on Facebook and were offended (and if you are curious and want to read the deleted FB post, you can find it here :-)). I was caught up in a moment of grief and I hope that you will forgive me.

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